Your Business Horoscope by Dr. Matt. Time-honored astrological counsel,
combined with modern management savvy. Served up for your individual sign.
According to one shrewd Capricorn entrepreneur (Is their any other kind?) the single most important
biz strategy is this: To get what you want, first figure out what the other guy wants. So true. This week,
with the planets bickering and flirting all over the sky, you'll want to avoid petty power plays. Instead,
learn to negotiate each person's needs and idiosyncrasies, arriving at the best happy middle ground. To
get you off on the right foot, here's Dr. Matt's Guide to Schmoozing Any Schmo in the Universe. Check
out your sign -- then check out the sign for the guy across the table.
Your Own Forecast
Taurus (April 21 - May 21)
Gemini (May 22 - June 21)
Cancer (June 22 - July 22)
Leo (July 23 - August 23)
Virgo (August 24 - September 22)
Libra (September 23 - October 23)
Scorpio (October 24 - November 22)
Sagittarius (November 23 - December 21)
Capricorn (December 22 - January 20)
Aquarius (January 21 - February 18)
Pisces (February 19 - March 20)
Aries (March 21 - April 20)
Sagittarius (November 23-December 21)
To get in good with Sadge, take 'em to ethnic restaurants where everybody sits on the floor and eats with
their hands. Get them talking about their experiences and travels -- they've all been somewhere the rest
of us haven't even heard of. Sagittarius generally comes across as confident and breezy. But watch out:
They all have little pet insecurities. Don't go there. Instead, laugh at their jokes; it loosens them
up better than a martini. Don't make a big fuss if they're late. They've always got the best excuses.
Capricorn (December 22-January 20)
Dealing with a stiff-necked Capricorn, eh? Don't worry. It's not impossible to deal with the Goat -- it
just takes effort. Inspire confidence. Wear sensible clothes that cost a lot and last forever. Be authentic
and classy. They sidestep anything chintzy or rinky-dink. One caution: It takes a lot to impress these
guys. You've got a PhD from Southern State College? That's nice -- they're best friends with an Ivy League
provost. Appeal to their sense of quality. These guys set the standards. Don't be late.
Aquarius (January 21-February 18)
Get to know their friends. If you're in good with Aquarius's friends, chances are good you're in good
with them. What's more, find out what they believe in. Talk about it. Tell them what you care about. If
they don't like your politics, they don't like you -- unless you convince them you believe what you believe
for good reason. One more thing: Aquarius likes gadgets and toys.
Pisces (February 19-March 20)
Wow Pisces with who you are, not what you are. Impress them with integrity. Make time for them. Pisces
hates to be rushed -- or neglected. Thank them profusely for their generosity, which they always deny.
Almost every Pisces has a weird sense of luck and destiny. Make them think you're lucky. They'll want
to rub your belly. Tell them your rough-draft fantasies. They'll fill in the fuzzy spots.
Aries (March 21 - April 20)
Want to make friends with an Aries? Let them initiate -- at least in the beginning. Ask them to choose
the restaurant (loud music helps). Aries needs to take charge and stay one step ahead of the game. Don't
ever let them think you'll take advantage of them or get the upper hand. You needn't bother offering Aries
all the answers in a tidy package. They thrive on struggle. Turn on an Aries by turning a job into an
adventure. Don't bog them down with details and organization. They'll leave you in the dust.
Taurus (April 21-May 21)
Relax. No need to get huffy and over-eager with Taurus. They appreciate patience, a job done right, a
crème brulée baked to perfection. Surround them with good food and music. "Food is
love," declared one Taurus professional. She wasn't kidding. Fast food is not an option! Neither is elevator
music. In negotiations, make them feel certain they aren't risking too much. These guys like a sure thing.
Gemini (May 22 - June 21)
Keep talking. Silence is death with Gemini. Give them lots of options. Ask them questions. They love telling
you the answers. If they don't know something, they'll find out and send it pronto by fax, phone, and
email. Don't play games. Gemini knows all the rules. They probably wrote them. These guys spout ideas
a mile a minute. Encourage brainstorming. You might get away with insulting their mother. Don't insult
Cancer (June 22-July 22)
Don't insult their mother! In fact, it's best to take a sincere interest in Cancer's family. And take
the time to get to know them. Like a dog, they have to sniff you before you can pet them. Make
Cancer feel at home. Sit them down and ask their advice. Appreciate their little gestures (not so little
to them). Cry on their shoulder. Help them feel they're building something that's gonna last. Don't hurt
Leo (July 23-August 23)
Take Leo to in-spots popular with movie stars and politicos. Make them feel important. They were all born
with VIP badges. Compliment their hair, their teeth, the jewelry (All of it's fake, but who cares?). Flatter
them. Tell them how much you appreciate them. They're loyal. You should be too.
Virgo (August 24-September 22)
Get your facts straight. Don't try to pull anything over on these guys. And just forget about faking it
-- they are the Virgins, after all, and they can fake it better than the rest of us. But they don't.
They do it right the first time, every time. You better too, if you want to deal with them. One more thing
-- they're good at fixing things. Praise their problem-solving handiwork and you've got Virgo on your
Libra (September 23-October 23)
Flirt with them. Shake their hand a little too long. Make them feel you'll stick around forever. For ice
breakers, ask them about their honey-bunches. Talk slowly and deliberately. Eloquence and style probably
count for more than substance. These gentle souls can get insecure about money -- especially when there's
not enough of it. Threaten their sense of cash flow or aesthetics and count yourself thrown out of their
Scorpio (October 24-November 22)
Cut to the chase. Scorpio can spot BS from the 32nd floor with the naked eye. Whatever you do, don't double
cross them. If you even seem calculated, Scorpio gets suspicious and does one of those famous disappearing
acts. Wining and dining them and otherwise buttering them up just makes them slipperier. Lay yourself
on the line with Scorpio. Forget about second guessing what they want. They're too good at it. Win Scorpio's
confidence by divulging a secret.
About Dr. Matt:
Matthew Abergel, Lecturer and PhD Cand, has practiced astrology for over ten years. He started hands-on
participation in business at age six, helping in his family's commercial real estate investment and development
firm. Now he writes business and financial plans, and is currently completing a dissertation on the relationship
between economic and literary history in the Renaissance. He lives in Chicago and Northern California
with his Airedale, Mickey, and welcomes your Email at email@example.com.
Though these horoscopes are cast and interpreted according to age-old methods, they should not substitute
for sound financial or legal advice, and Idea Cafe does not guarantee these predictions and interpretations
any more than a stock broker or meteorologist can ensure your stocks will rise and it won't rain on your
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